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I am clumsy. I realize this now more than ever. My lackadaisical way of going about things has me collecting new burns, nicks, blisters and gashes every week.

I don’t remember how I got this nasty burn. I’ve been told that there are less nerve endings on the back of the hand, which decreases our perception of pain in this area. I think I was just too frenzied to notice.

This is my most recent masterpiece. I sliced off a chunk of fingernail and bit of finger. I like to imagine this little piece of me in a compost pile somewhere, but it’s most likely rotting in a landfill.

Do you have any injuries acquired in the kitchen that you’d like to share? Pictures are encouraged. Let’s compare scars and trade war stories–ya know, like they do in the movies.

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We’ve been practicing pastry in school lately, and last night we made genoise, a light, airy (and nearly flavorless) cake. After frosting with fresh butter cream, I decorated the top with juvenile handwriting that read Happy Bday!, intending on freezing the cake and using it to celebrate one of my best friends’ approaching birthday. Unfortunately, the cake is crap and the butter cream separated, producing a streaky, unattractive appearance. No way am I serving this to anyone…

(This picture makes the crap cake actually look decent. It wasn’t.)

…except myself.

As soon as I got into my apartment, I jumped out of my clothes and gorged on this terrible little cake in–you guessed it–my underwear. And as I did, I wondered why I chose to stand over the sink and continue to serve myself sliver after sliver of disaster. I felt like someone was watching me, and I was right–it was my conscience.

This is a lesson to all: if it tastes awful, stop eating it. In fact, throw it out. Get it out of the house. Instead, eat something you enjoy. Once you’re done, you may be annoyed that you consumed more calories than necessary (or humanly acceptable), but at least they weren’t wasted on crap, like mine. See–even dietitians need reminding.